livingwithlil: Walking with Mum and Dad....good bye mum, till we meet again.

Mum passed away peacefully on
16 June 2013, aged 90.

We are ever so grateful to you mum, for bringing us up and showing us what kindness and graciousness

meant.

I am especially proud to have been given the gift of journeying with mum through her dementia and her lung disease.

We love you and will miss you terribly.

Mum spent her young adult years (especially World War II) in the Chief Clerk's (my grandfather) Bungalow on the sprawling grounds of Mercherson Estate (a rubber plantation), Pondok Tanjong.

Mum often reminded us how they would pluck durians (and the unfortunate incident of a pole falling onto 5th Uncle and hurting his face) and eat the bbqed flying foxes caught by her brothers. (This I can confirm as I still remember the screams of the bats on my few visits to the estate).

The family home (where the school going children stayed with my tua ee) was in Penang--18 Krian Road (it has been converted to a restaurant). My grand parents moved to 8 Green Road 4 after my grandfather retired.

maybe late teens on the left and early 20s on the right

The quintessential multi-tasker, mum was a

superb cook,
kueh (cake) maker (best angku in the whole of Singapore!!),
great seamstress with a wonderrful eye for colour and details (kate and I always had beautifully tailored/lace/embroidered matching dresses)

me in Penang, probably 2 years old

kasut manek beader (how she used to sit by the natural light of the kitchen in the family flat in Jalan Bahagia and worked on the masterpieces)

In addition she could knit, crochet, play tennis and badminton. Reminded us proudly that she was the reigning Ladies Badminton Champion of Telecoms Quarters!

A housewife, mum ran our household efficiently. As we grew up, she found the time to volunteer at the catholic church of Saint Vincent De Paul and later at Saint Michael Church where her weekly contribution of nonya kueh for the canteen sold out like hot cakes! At the Church of St. Vincent's she showed the young girls how to cook and she also kept the accounts for the projects she undertook.

When mum and dad moved into my home in 2001, mum was the "permaisuri" (queen).

mum and her kueh jong kong

We indulged her sweet tooth--she used to woof down her kueh jonkong (a peranakan dessert) in 40 seconds flat compared to the 30 minutes it took for her to finish her main meal. On the rare occasions when we went to the market, mum showed us she hadn't lost her shopaholic skills.

Up till 2009, mum used to tinkle, albeit 1 finger only, on the piano, pull a few song bars on the accordian and puff and pant "bengawan solo", "rasa sayang" on the harmonica. She was also the live spark singing her heart out with my friends at my dinner parties.

In the last few years, mum's ability to swallow had progressively deteriorated. On 31st January 2013, a NG (nasal gastric) tube was inserted to help mum eat. Mum tolerated the NG tube really well including having her hands in special mittens most of the time.

on weighing chair in the hospital with nurses

Mum had also lost a lot of weight in the last 3 years. When we weighed mum at the hospital in June 2013, she was only 36kg....we weren't terribly sure if this was accurate as mum seemed to have put on weight---her face was fuller.

I often wondered what mum was thinking as she sat in her wheelchair. She was responsive, and appeared to understand what we asked of her or tell her to do. There were times however, when the window closed.

kate with mum who seemed to be saying "don't disturb me"!

Our goal was to live life as normally as possible for mum and for ourselves. And we did, until mum, frail and tired from having to deal with her lung fibrosis (diagnosed almost 8 years ago) wasn't able to shake off the infection which she caught two weeks prior to her death and the eventual pneumonia.

Mum had a beautiful death. While she was on oxygen and was given a small dose of morphine as she struggled to breathe, towards the end, my niece (Jac), sister (Kate) and I were with mum as she quietly took her last four breaths and slept forever.

A loss is always personal but as we watched mum take her last breaths, there was a peaceful calm in the bedroom. We knew that we were going to lose mum at some point, didn't think that it would be one day after we returned from the hospital, but I believe the time we had to say our personal goodbyes helped tremendously.

There is a reason for every season and on hindsight I should have understood mum was ready to go. Mum and I spent 2 weeks in hospital before she passed away and one night, 1 week before her passing, while I was quietly asking mum if everything was all right, she opened her eyes wide, looked straight at me and said very clearly and coherently "You are my daughter, Lillian". These were to be mum's last words.

While we miss mum very much, we rejoice that she was blessed to have lived such a long and fulfilling life. We celebrate her kindness, generosity of spirit, steadfastness, humility and most of all her great capacity to love.

xmas 2012

Mum taught us patience and acceptance of where she was towards the end of her life. Her calm, cool and collected spirit, sense of humour and peace with God and herself showed on her radiant and beautiful face.

Thank you dearest mum for letting me look after you the last 12 years. Till We Meet Again.